Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

No, Patty, my day was not quite like that. This is more like it:

First, I had commons duty. This means that 15 minutes before the first bell rings, 3 of us corral 250 kids, making sure they sit down and don't kill each other before school begins.

When first hour starts, one young girl walks in smelling very strongly of sweet smoke. As it was first hour, I tried not to be too hasty and assume it was something she was actually smoking, as I understand that perhaps some parents smoke cigars at 7:30 in the morning and oftentimes that smell lingers on the students' clothes as they come into the building.

Come to find out, another teacher found ashes in the girls' bathroom sometime before lunch. Interesting.

The principle came to watch my 4th hour class (my 2nd most challenging class), and I actually got a little bit of work from one of my most difficult students!

After lunch, I sent 4 students to the office for shooting "hornets," little pieces of paper made by folding a long strip of paper over and over until you have a little rectangle about 1/8 of an inch thick which then fits nicely over the rubberbands with which the students shoot them. Oh, and by the way, I collected at least 26 rubberbands today (and no, I did not have any students hiding them under their tongues today like I did yesterday). I began keeping the entire class after 15 seconds for every time I hear a "hornet" fly across the room. It is somewhat working.

So this is what happened that 7th hour. I knew a kid had been shooting them, so I checked his arms and made him empty his pockets before he came in the room. Pretty soon I hear a whiz and a snap and turn around to see a girl holding her hand like it was hit. Not too long after that, I hear something hit the opposite side of the room. Despite my extremely engaging lesson on apostrophes, I still managed to catch those first two with rubberbands and hornets. The best part? The kid next to the boy was the one making the hornets for him - and he's usually the one getting shot by that same kid! I walked over, and kid #1 shut a drawer and sat down really quickly, claiming he did not have a rubber band. Hmm, wonder where it could be - oh, look! It's in this drawer. Office? Yes, I'm sending ---- and ---- to come see you.

5 minutes later: Most students are working on their worksheets. I meander over to a couple of desks where 2 boys are supposed to be sitting but are not. There, on the floor, with their backs to me, they have stretched a broken rubberband across from the leg of one desk to the leg of the other and have the hornet poised and ready to release. Whatcha got there? Um . . . Yeah, why don't you join the first two in the office. Office? Yes, I have two more coming your way.

10 minutes later: The team effort returns to the room. Mind you, one of them is the same boy who had asked me right before class started how he could get his grade up. My response? Why don't you try sitting in your seat, not talking, and doing your work for a change? His words as he came into the room? They said to come back. They didn't care. Great. Never heard a single word from the principles.

8th hour. Did everything but pat 2 boys down as they walked into the room. One boy pulled out a wad of rubberbands. I made a deal with him: first time I hear or see one fly across the room from anyone at all, I'm taking them.

Apostrophes again. We get 2 seconds in, and half the class is complaining because 2 boys in particular won't stop talking. I give those boys a choice: you can either listen, or you can go in the hall so the rest of the class can listen. They chose the hall, followed by a unanimous "Thank you!" from the rest of the class. It still didn't last. They got out their workbooks. Another teacher came in and asked to see those two boys. Apparently they had been shooting one of her students in the hall while she was trying to work on a test. Oh, and I did get that student's rubberband. I hear a pop, and I look up to see him sitting as if nothing were happening, and the 3 boys opposite him hiding behind their binders. Am I dumb? No. Rubberband count is up to 24.

Last hour. This is "enrichment," meaning all my first hour kids who do not play sports come back in my room for 30 minutes to do the homework which we are encouraged not to assign. Yeah, it's great. 2 more rubberbands, 3 boys picking up trash off the floor, and little girl from first hour comes prancing in reeking so strongly that my nostrils are burning and I am getting a headache. Tried the old, "Could you take this note to the principal" routine, but no go. So I then sent an email to the principal, but what with the discipline problems with which he's been dealing, I 'm not sure he has the time or the energy to even deal with this.

Finally, school is over, and I am writing my next day's information on the board. The janitor comes in and informs me that she had cought the other young lady who had also been late to my last class in the bathroom kissing another girl. Yeah, that's really popular among the kids now, so we have to crack down on PDA not only from boyfriend to girlfriend, but also from girlfriend to girlfriend, some of whom have both. I think Smoky holds the record, though. I saw her kiss 4 boys and 1 girl on the lips in a period of 5 minutes.

Yep. That was my day, Patty. I just pray they actually learned something about apostrophes and will have their essays to turn in tomorrow. I bet you're all jealous that your days are not nearly as exciting as mine! :-)